User blog:Rough Fang/All's Fair In Roman War
"Why did you have to call this meeting SO EARLY?!?"Gentle Onion said bleary-eyed. "Dude,it's 3 in the afternoon."Super Hawk said. "ANYWAY,"Shaky Noodle cut off."I have called this meeting to discuss something of great importance." "THE GOAT IS AT STAKE?!?"Rough Fang cried."No.I don't even know what that is supposed to mean." "What is it SN?"Yellow Sword asked typing on his iPad. "As you guys probably know,Valentine's Day is tomorrow and I'm going to spend it with my sweetheart Dangerous Wolf.So you know what that means." Moody Eel put a hand on his shoulder."Bro,I think it's been established that none of us know anything." Shaky Noodle sighed.This wasn't really going that well."It means no messing around.I want to have a nice,traditional Valentine's Day.That means no green sewer spiders,no chupacabras,no alien spaceships,no ANYTHING.Got it?" "Yeah we got it.No weird stuff,traditional Valentine's Day BLAH BLAH BLAH."Super Hawk said."You could have told me this later,I was in the middle of creating a radiation-powered sub-atomic particle accelerator." "We already have a microwave Super Hawk."Yellow Sword said,his eyes still fixated on his iPad. "Thanks for understanding guys.And sorry for being so strict,I just really want to have a nice Valentine's Day with my girlfriend." "Don't worry about it!You and DW will have a blast!"Moody Eel said dismissively. Shaky Noodle smiled and left the room."Hey guys,"Yellow Sword said."Did you know that Valentine's Day actually commemorates the day that Saint Valentine,a Roman saint,was executed by the Roman emperor Claudius?" "Wait,so the tradition of Valentine's Day started in Rome?"Popular Boot inquired."That's right.""So a Roman Valentine's Day is a traditional one?""Yes.""So since Shaky Noodle said he wanted a traditional Valentine's Day,doesn't that mean that we should travel back in time to the Judo-Claudian era and bring back an army of Roman soldiers to celebrate?" The rest of the team looked at each other.Even Yellow Sword looked up from his iPad. If any of them were smarter(or the least bit sane)they would have objected. The next morning,Dangerous Wolf had come over."Hey there sweetheart!"Shaky Noodle said as they hugged."Happy Valentine's Day!" Meanwhile the rest of the team were standing beside the cellar door waiting."I can't believe I woke up for this!"Gentle Onion said yawning."There was a flash of bright light from inside the cellar and Rough Fang stepped out. "About time you got here!"Super Hawk whispered."I hate puns"Rough Fang whispered back. "Where are the soldiers?"Moody Eel asked impatiently. "They're in the cellar.""Alright,let's go show them the surprise!" Five seconds later they were all held at spear point."All my friends are insane."Shaky Noodle muttered as he slammed his palm into his face. "MARCH SLAVES!"The Roman general bellowed. "Where's Nightmare?"Rough Fang demanded.One of the Romans was carrying a birdcage with Rough Fang's bat and Muddy Icicle's dryad. Both of them proceeded to yell some words that probably would have gotten them the Saint Valentine treatment if the Romans understood a word of it. "Well,the good news is that our building is on Castaway Island which is a pretty good distance away from the mainland."Silver Flame said,trying to stay optimistic."The Romans wouldn't be able to swim such a-"He stopped. "Unless of course,someone brought along their ancient Roman warship with him"Orange Dragon finished. "Why is everyone looking at me?Maybe some other time traveller did it."Rough Fang protested. The warship floated on the water.It was built like a massive canoe with a hundred oars jutting out of the sides.Its red sail was the colour of blood. The Romans forced the Poptropica Wiki team up the ship and threw them into a dark room inside the ship. After a moment of silence,Shaky Noodle spoke."What did I tell you guys ABOUT WEIRD STUFF?" "To be fair,considering what we've been through this is only moderately weird."Gentle Onion said hopefully. "We're sorry dude but we were only trying to help!"Super Hawk apologized. "YOU GUYS RUINED VALENTINE'S DAY FOR ME AND DANGEROUS WOLF!!!I had the perfect date planned out and-" "Um......Shaky Noodle?"Dangerous Wolf said.All eyes turned on her."I would really love to give a long speech about how it's a perfect date as long as we're together and all,and I would,if we weren't TRAPPED AS SLAVES ON BOARD AN ANCIENT ROMAN WARSHIP BY ROMAN SOLDIERS!!!" "She's right."Dangerous Noodle said."First thing's first,we need to get out of here." Suddenly the ship stopped.Roman soldiers shouted from outside and Poptropicans screamed. "Looks like they got to the mainland.We need to get out of here."Rough Fang said. "If only we had the inventory!"Orange Dragon said."There's bound to be something in there that could help!" "You mean this inventory?"Moody Eel said holding up the bag. Shaky Noodle stared."WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU HAD IT?!?""You didn't ask!"Moody Eel whined. Dangerous Noodle stuck his arm into the bag and fished out a long blue rod topped with a sharpened horseshoe-like structure.The entire thing glowed and crackled with energy. "Oh yeah!The Lightning Staff!"Orange Dragon said."I forgot I bought that!Cost me a fortune but worth every credit. Dangerous Noodle examined it."What happens if I do th-"Hundreds of volts of pure electricity shot through him and a crackling bolt of white lightning shot out of the tip and crashed into the door exploding on contact. "Worth every credit."Orange Dragon repeated smiling. "Dangerous Wolf,wake up Gentle Onion and let's get out of here!"They made a break for the door."Dangerous Noodle,you coming bro?" Dangerous Noodle lay on the floor twitching."Go ahead."he said weakly."I'll catch up to you guys when my insides stop burning like the feathers of the Devil chicken." Outside the prison room,the team hid as Shaky Noodle examined the situation."There are soldiers patrolling the ship.We won't be able to get-"Suddenly,thick smoke filled the air.The Romans stumbled around in confusion,shouting and coughing. "Smoke bombs."Popular Boot said approvingly."Excellent choice."Dangerous Wolf shrugged."Saw them in the bag.I just had to try them out." "Alright Muddy Icicle,your turn."Rough Fang said.Muddy Icicle smiled and cracked her knuckles."On it."She dove into the smoke. No one sensed the time passing.That's because it was about 3 seconds when the smoke cleared revealing all the soldiers unconscious with Muddy Icicle standing over them. Rough Fang ran over to the cage containing the followers."Hey guys!"he whispered to Nightmare and the dryad.Nightmare chirped in excitement.The dryad didn't make a sound,as usual,but fluttered around happily. Rough Fang slammed his face into the lock and it broke,freeing the followers,who flew on over to their respective owners and greeted them happily. "Is that-"Dangerous Wolf started."Yeah it's fine.He's wearing his Skull Mask.Plus he really doesn't have much to lose." The group left the ship only to be greeted by the sight of hundreds of Roman soldiers pillaging and basically waging war on the people of Shark Tooth Island. The team ducked behind the Coconut Cafe as a soldier ran past."There is absolutely no way we could possibly round up all these Romans!We have to come up with a plan."Popular Boot said. "I have an idea!"Rough Fang said."How about we travel back in time and return with Genghis Khan and the Mongol army?" "NO!"The team shouted simultaneously. The general of the Roman stood in the middle of the chaos and shouted "I CLAIM THIS LAND FOR OUR NOBLE LEADER EMPEROR CLAUDIUS!!!!!!" "That's it!Claudius!"Popular Boot exclaimed."Well no need to be hurtful."Moody Eel said. "She means Emperor Claudius."Rough Fang clarified."He was the leader of the Roman Empire during the Judo-Claudian era.He ruled alongside his fourth wife Agrippina the Younger.........until she killed him with poisonous mushrooms." The others stared at him."What?I'm the author of this story.I have to do my research." "Ignoring that direct violation of Fourth Wall law,Romans are renowned for their loyalty to the emperor.And also having unnecessarily luxurious baths but we'll focus on the first one."Popular Boot said."If we get Roman Emperor Claudius,the entire army will listen to him!" "Perfect!I'll get the time machine!"Rough Fang said."NO!NO MORE TIME TRAVEL!" Dangerous Noodle came up beside them."Ok,I'm better now."he murmured. Popular Boot's eyes widened."Dangerous Noodle,you're the master of disguise right?""If I do say so myself.""Can you make Shaky Noodle look like Roman emperor Claudius and Dangerous Wolf look like Agrippina the Younger?" "Already did."Dangerous Noodle said proudly.Popular Boot turned around and saw that he was right.Both of them were wearing Roman togas but Shaky Noodle now had a wreath of olive leaves in his hair and Dangerous Wolf's hair was in curls. "How did you do that?!?"Popular Boot asked."No time for questions guys!The Romans are heading back to the ship with prisoners!We've got to stop them!" As the Romans herded the captives into the prison,Shaky Noodle and Dangerous Wolf stepped up onto the boat.The Romans gasped and knelt down before their mighty emperor and empress. "Emperor Claudius!Empress Agrippina!You have returned!"Shaky Noodle cleared his throat."Yes,and we besiege you to release these innocent people,and restore their land!"The Ronans looked confused.Dangerous Wolf rolled her eyes."RELEASE THE SLAVES AND GO HOME!"she yelled.That pretty much cleared everything up. A few minutes later,the citizens of Shark Tooth Island were all released and the Romans were all back in their ship. "That's the last of them!"Rough Fang said.He pressed his hand against the side of the ship and pushed the button on the time machine.The entire ship,and Rough Fang was gone in a flash. It was a brief,sane moment.Then he reappeared. "Well that's taken care of."he said dusting off his hands."This sure has been a long day."Super Hawk said."It was the best Valentine's Day EVER!"Moody Eel shouted. "Hey has anyone seen Shaky Noodle or Dangerous Wolf?""Last I saw them they were on the WARSHIP!OH NO!" Meanwhile in Ancient Rome,Shaky Noodle and Dangerous Wolf were sitting side by side,on the side of a hill overlooking Rome. "You know,this isn't how I expected to celebrate Valentine's Day.But it has to be the best Valentine's Day ever."She put her head on his shoulder. "Yeah.It's pretty romantic,watching the sun set over the beautiful city of Rome like some clichéd romantic movie." "I guess your friends did help us after all.No matter how twisted and misguided their methods were." A Roman soldier ran up the hill."Emperor Claudius!The manticore we captured from Persia has escaped from the Colloseum!" "Just kill it."Shaky Noodle replied irritated. "Yes of course!"the soldier knelt."Thank you Emperor Claudius."The soldier disappeared over the hill. "Where do you think the real Claudius and Agrippina are?" "I don't get why I can't go back in time to get them!""Because,"Super Hawk started."Every time you time travel you always-"she stopped abruptly. Lying on the floor of the living room was the dead body of Emperor Claudius.His eyes were rolled back in his skull and he was foaming at the mouth.In his hand was a colorful,half-eaten mushroom. Standing over the corpse was Agrippina the Younger,grinning from nonexistent ear to nonexistent ear.When she saw the Poptropica Wiki team,her smile faded and she raised her arms,shouting "I DIDN'T DO IT!!!" Category:Blog posts